If Only
by Moe-the-Insomniac
Summary: Completed -- Five years after graduation-Luke is gone, Seth's a teacher, Summer is a model, Marissa has a daughter, and Ryan has no idea about any of this...at least not yet.
1. Once An Adolescent

If Only  
  
Summary- Five years after graduation; Luke is gone, Seth's a teacher, Summer's a model, Marissa has a daughter, and Ryan doesn't know about anything.  
  
Disclaimer- I own nothing that you recognize  
  
Authors Note- Please keep in mind, it was late when this was written  
  
Chapter One- Once an Adolescent  
  
If only seven in the morning came later in the day. IF only punch cards didn't exist. If only alarm clocks didn't sound like they were announcing the third world war.  
  
Marissa groaned, her limp arm dragging the clock off her nightstand and out of the plug, which meant she'd have to reset the thing later that night, again. To avoid not being as late as usual, she had slept in her uniform.  
  
" Come on Lil, time to get up" she had rushed into the room with the teal paint and teddy bear border, which had been a four day project the year before.  
  
The little girl, who never needed a waking, immediately got up from her bed to the matching outfit she had laid out on the floor the night before. Matching, one word Marissa had not yet comprehended. However, the four-year-old she lived with did it perfectly.  
  
#@#@#@#@#@#@#@#@#@#@  
  
Marissa guided her daughter from the taxi cab to the sidewalk, right outside the city daycare center. She spent more time there than at home, which really tore up her mother. But there wasn't a choice.  
  
" Lil honey, you know I'll be back, I always am" her big blue eyes only stared back, " can you say good bye?".  
  
But she shook her head and ran off towards the building. Four years, four years and the young girl had not said a word. Not one, ever. Marissa knew she was capable of speaking, but couldn't understand why she didn't. All she wanted was to hear that voice, just once.  
  
@#@#@#@#@#@#@#@#@#@#  
  
She was ducked behind a prescription medicine shelf, hunched over a text book, devouring every word she could. Three pages in thirty seconds was her personal record, and yet, she couldn't help but wonder if she was only wasting her time.  
  
" What have you got to bring a girl back to reality?".  
  
That voice, that tone. Marissa closed the book and stood up to see who was standing on the other side of the counter. " Summer" she almost laughed.  
  
The one girl that was born a beauty and would never change, one way or another. But unfortunately that went for her attitude as well, " hey Coop, how's it going?".  
  
" Usually you'd ask that if we haven't spoken for six hours, not six months".  
  
Summer shrugged, " sorry, you know how it gets".  
  
Marissa grinned, " no, I don't know what it's like being a famous European model, traveling the world, but a pharmacy cashier is pretty close I suppose".  
  
She leaned onto the counter, " so, how's that gorgeous daughter of yours? Lindsey?".  
  
" Lillian, and she's doing alright, but still not talking".  
  
" Anything I can do to help?".  
  
Marissa shook her head, " no thanks, with your kind of influence she'd either not talk until she was twenty or not shut up. No offense".  
  
Summer giggled, " none taken, I totally agree. But what about that one handsome man?".  
  
" Seth? Oh, he's great, he lives a couple doors down, he's a teacher. Can you believe it? Perfect job for him".  
  
" Thanks for the info on Cohen, but" Summer silently hinted with her eyes, " you know who I meant".  
  
Marissa nodded, " yeah, but I-uh, don't really want to talk about that".  
  
She flared her eyebrows, " enough said".  
  
The subject had to be changed, and not just because there was an uncertainty on which ' guy' each girl was referring to, " what brings you to the city?".  
  
" Photo shoot, but I'm actually more chocked to see you here, I thought you'd be back in the county".  
  
Marissa shrugged, " well, it's a secure place, strange as that sounds, and Seth's here, he really gets along with Lillian, I'm hoping he can encourage her to talk one of these days".  
  
Summer tucked a strand of her rich hair behind her ear, " yeah, I always thought he's make a good dad. Someone else too".  
  
Just then, an older man with a white paper bag in hand stood behind Summer. " Oh, sorry, hey, come by tomorrow, we can catch up on my break. See you later" she rushed.  
  
Summer muttered under her breath, saying good bye and left. So she was going to be more exhausting than a newborn, seeing as Marissa has had experience with both Summer Roberts and Lillian Cooper.  
  
@#@#@#@#@#@#@#@#@#@#@  
  
Eight hours later of arguing with middle aged parents and constantly repeating herself to older people, Marissa stepped off the elevator on the fifth floor, balancing her purse and a sleeping child. All while digging for her keys.  
  
" Have no fear, Cohen is here!" Seth emerged from his apartment, rushing to her and taking Lillian into his arms, which eased hers.  
  
" Thank you so much" she found the key ring and slid a few correct ones into the lock before finally getting it, " guess who came into work today?" he shrugged, " Summer".  
  
" I hope you mean the season".  
  
She allowed him to walk in and followed him to Lillian's bedroom, " she's coming back tomorrow, would you like me to lie and tell her you were hit by a car?".  
  
" I can make it so it's not a lie" he placed the little girl under her covers then replaced them over her and sighed before daring to say, " Luke called me today, looking for you".  
  
Marissa bit her lip, " I think I'll follow you into traffic".  
  
The two stepped into the hallway, beginning to whisper, " I told him you went back to California, it should lead him away for awhile".  
  
" Thanks" she weakly smiled.  
  
He wrapped his arm around her shoulder, " they're making steroids illegal, so you shouldn't have to worry about him".  
  
They reached the front door, " yeah, well, it's not Luke I'm worried about".  
  
Seth glared at her, " well then you got nothing to worry about" and he knew what she meant by that, one of the few people that could.  
  
" Thanks Seth". She had a feeling of comfortable, now that he was so close. They had always been neighbors, but only now did she realize, that as long as he was there, nothing could happen to her.  
  
Another Authors Note- It's suppose to be based around Marissa and Ryan, and it will be soon enough. 


	2. A Daughter's Name

Authors Note- Thank you all for the reviews! Sorry, I don't remember who asked, but the answer is, yes, this will be a small Seth and Summer thing. Once I convince myself not to kill her that is.  
  
Disclaimer- Still don't own a thing, except Lillian  
  
Chapter Two- A Daughter's Name  
  
Rather than the ear shattering annoyance of her alarm clock, it was a muffled song tune that, for once, stirred Marissa from a shallow slumber. It was the second verse to ' Joy to the World' (A/N- Not the Christmas song) when her eyes finally opened. The second she saw what time it was, was the same second she ran out of the room.  
  
Out in the family room, where the blaring music was coming from, there was Seth, dancing around in small circles, with Lillian on his feet, holding his hands.  
  
" Cohen!" she yelled, despite how adorable she found the site, " it's nine in the morning!".  
  
" But it's Saturday" he looked up, though continued dancing.  
  
" Maybe for you" Marissa switched off the radio, silencing the room, " but I don't know if I can call in another sick day, I used enough when I had the flu last month".  
  
Seth gathered Lillian in his arms, " the pharmacy called, they're closed for." he glanced at the little girl, " what was the reason I told you?". She shrugged and wiggled until he put her down and she ran off to her bedroom. " I thought I could trick her into saying something".  
  
" I don't know, she's pretty tough".  
  
Seth grinned, " like her dad".  
  
" Today's- his birthday" she sighed.  
  
" That was random".  
  
Marissa turned to face him, " it's just because, Lily's birthday is nine and a half months from now".  
  
He pulled her into his arms just as her breath began to hitch, " come on Marissa, he's not dead, he's just a phone call or a plane ride away".  
  
She didn't respond right away, just enjoyed being where she was, " Seth, I'll have to spend the rest of my life repaying you, for everything you've done".  
  
" Don't change the subject".  
  
Marissa pulled herself away from him, " I'm thinking about taking Lillian to a therapist, she can't start school a complete mute".  
  
He ran a hand through his curly locks, " I know this is none of my business, but she doesn't need a therapist, maybe she needs, a father".  
  
" She has you".  
  
" But I'm not her father, and Lilly knows that. She needs her father, and that's.".  
  
Her breaths became coarse and frantic, " please, please don't say that".  
  
" How can you ignore that? Look at her eyes Marissa".  
  
Marissa's mouth tweaked, " yeah, they look just like his, she looks just like him. It's hard to see her every day, and she's a constant reminder. And, I love her".  
  
He sighed, " is his name on her birth certificate?" she nodded, " call him, you've been waiting over four years".  
  
Just then, there was a knocking pattern on the front door. Marissa, who was relieved at that point, brushed by to answer it. The familiar sight of an annoyed Summer was on the other side.  
  
" You said to come by the pharmacy today and you weren't there! Your boss gave me your address, I thought you'd try to ditch me!" she had walked far enough ahead of Marissa to see Seth standing in the family room. " Oh, Cohen".  
  
" Speak of the devil" he said.  
  
She smiled, " you were talking about me?".  
  
" No".  
  
Marissa gestured for the two to sit on the couch, " I'm going to check in Lilly quickly, you guys want something to drink?".  
  
Seth shook his head, but Summer answered with, " anything you think would suit me".  
  
" I think she's out of rat poison".  
  
She didn't hear Seth's comment, only told them to try and catch up. Peeking through the crack in Lillian's doorway, she was sitting, looking through picture books with her teddy bear, her personal sign of wanting to be left alone. Marissa retrieved a Diet Coke and joined her company in the family room, where they were sitting as far apart as possible on the couch.  
  
" Oh, Coop, guess who I talked to last night?" she was expecting to hear Luke's name, " Ryan".  
  
Marissa nearly fell off the edge of the armchair before having the chance to sit down, " what? Atwood?".  
  
" I think you should shut up Summer" Seth groaned.  
  
" What?" she objected, ignoring her first warning, " he asked about Coop, thought she'd want to know".  
  
" I really think you should shut up Summer" he groaned again as Marissa began panicking.  
  
" Big deal, ten minutes on the phone, all I did was mention she was struggling with a toddler person".  
  
" SHUT UP SUMMER!" Seth yelled.  
  
Marissa slipped onto the floor, burying her face in her hands, " what?" Summer shrieked, " I've been here for two minutes, what did I do?".  
  
Seth moved to Marissa's side, " you ignore the guy for years, then in one phone call, you do the most stupid thing possible".  
  
Summer smacked one of the couch cushions, " Atwood hates Luke, why the hell would he care about his kid?".  
  
" Because Like isn't Lilly's father!" Seth snapped, " Ryan is!". 


	3. Lillian's Picture

Chapter Three- Lillian's Picture  
  
Summer leaned back into the couch, " well how was I suppose to know".  
  
" Common sense, but I wouldn't expect you t know what that is either" Seth said, " did it ever occur to you how much Lilly looks like Ryan?".  
  
Summer shrugged, " well this should be a good thing, I mean, now Ryan thinks it's Luke's kid, it didn't look like Cooper was going to be telling him anything soon".  
  
Seth groaned while Marissa remained hidden and still, " Summer, the last time they saw was other was five years ago, and if she didn't have a kid then, I think he'd have a tad bit more intelligence than you to figure it all out".  
  
" Not if he thinks she's Luke's".  
  
" You're doing rather well for a last minute moron, perhaps the camera flash hasn't destroyed all brain cells left" he smirked, " I'll kindly remind you that Luke is in the Marines, which has its ups and downs. And it's very hard to mail sperm, not like he could figure it out if he wanted to".  
  
Meanwhile, Marissa was experiencing a series of flashbacks on the inside of her eyes. Her first time with Ryan, when he admitted he loved her, as did she. As she was about to board the plane to New York, being held by him one last time. Both knew it was the end, and yet both prayed that time would stop and they wouldn't have to move. But it wasn't like that. Then, sitting in the bathroom of her apartment, on the edge of the bathtub, holding the pregnancy test in her hands.  
  
" Stop it" she said, lifting her head to face them, " this doesn't involve you guys. I don't care what either of you said. It was my decision to keep this from Ryan and I have my reasons" she stood up, " Lillian is my only constant reminder of Ryan each and every day. She's just like him, but I can't get to know her because she's not ready to let me. His name on the birth certificate make him her biological father, but her eyes make it his own choice". She left the room, joining Lillian on the tiny bed, going through one of the story books with her.  
  
Seth and Summer's muffled whispers could be heard through the wall, but Marissa ignored them.  
  
" I'm sorry" Summer softly said.  
  
Seth leaned back against the armchair, " it's okay, someone had to hint it to him, and it sure as hell wasn't going to be her".  
  
Summer perched her head in her hands, " why won't she tell him? He has the right to know".  
  
" He does, but I guess she doesn't want to make things complicated for her. She thinks someone like him doesn't need to find out he has a four-year-old three thousand miles away".  
  
She groaned, " Ryan's not like that, and I know that then it must be true. I mean, wouldn't he like her?".  
  
" He's adore her, and she would too" he sat up, " I think he may be able to get Lilly to say something".  
  
Summer narrowed her eyes, " you think he's the reason she won't?".  
  
" More or less. She's insecure about something. Lilly must know what a father is, and she knows I'm not him, Marissa told her that much".  
  
" But does she know about Ryan?".  
  
Seth paused, " I'm not sure" he looked away, " did he call your cell phone?" Summer nodded, " let me see it".  
  
She dug through her purse and retrieved the compact flip phone. Seth searched it's memory, finding the second to last number she received, recognizing the California area code. " Wait, what are you doing?" she asked when he had the phone to his ear.  
  
He got up and began walking away, " lets just call it a little push in the right direction".  
  
Summer began frantically biting her lip as Seth closed the kitchen door and Marissa reappeared form the hallway, " where's Cohen?".  
  
" Uh, um, using my cell to..call his mom". Only minutes later, Seth emerged from the kitchen, still on the phone, and jumped when seeing Marissa.  
  
" Hi Mrs. Cohen!" she called.  
  
" Obviously not.yes I'm sure" he said into the phone, playing along with Summer's lie, then mouthed ' she says hello', " okay.yep.sounds good. Okay, uh, I love you.bye" and he flipped the phone closed.  
  
Summer couldn't control her giggling, Seth threw the phone back at her. " What did you mean by ' that sounds good'?" Marissa asked.  
  
" Oh, she's coming to visit on Monday" Summer squealed at Seth's answer, " yeah, she wants to see you and Lilly if that's alright".  
  
Marissa nodded before Summer nearly screamed, " that's so romantic!".  
  
" Ignore her, where's Lilly?".  
  
" Taking a nap".  
  
Seth left the two girls in the family room and crept into Lillian's dark bedroom, the blind had been pulled over her window. He knelt next to the little girl, watching her sleep, wondering if his meddling was going to be a good thing rather than a bad thing for her. She wasn't his daughter, but he wasn't about to let anything happen to her.  
  
When he went to adjust the blanket over her, Seth noticed there was something enclosed in her hand. Carefully, he opened it, and found that it was a crinkled picture. Unfolding it, he recognized it as his own graduation party, which felt like decades in the picture. By the looks of the person in the photo, he didn't know that it was being taken, and Seth couldn't tell who had taken it.  
  
Ryan. 


	4. Wandering Toddlers and Beanbag Chairs

Authors Note- Thank you all for the reviews!  
  
Chapter Four- Wandering Toddlers and Beanbag Chairs  
  
Lillian sat on the seat next to her window, her legs pulled against her chest, not like she took up much room in the first place. The sun had gone long ago, as did her bedtime. But city lights kept her from seeing the stars.  
  
Seth walked in, but id didn't distract her attention, and he expected her to be in bed. " Hey Lilly" he was quiet so Marissa wouldn't hear them. He pulled an old picture from his pocket and revealed it to her, " do you know who this is?". Ryan's face could hardly be seen, but he was there. Lillian shook her head, " well you will know soon, I promise".  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
It was nine at night. And he had been sitting there for God knows how long, staring at the portable phone that was centered on his coffee table. There had been several phone calls since, but he had not answered a single one since Seth Cohen.  
  
Apparently it was urgent for him to get to New York as soon as possible. And if Seth expressed something as being that important, it probably was.  
  
Marissa was there, he heard her. And since Seth had referred Ryan as Kirsten, his mom, for the last part of their conversation, she didn't know he was on the phone. Ryan had not spoken to Marissa Cooper in over four years, but he had thought about her every day.  
  
But she had a child now, her and Luke's daughter. According to Summer, horrible source at it was, she was around the same age of the amount of years since they last saw one another.  
  
Maybe the break up hadn't affected her as much as it did for him.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
" This is a stupid idea" Summer grunted.  
  
Seth rolled his eyes and turned around, " why don't you think about Tijuana? Remember your dumb plan and Marissa almost died?".  
  
" Screw that! I had to share a bed with you".  
  
" Why don't you use a bit of your extra metabolism and trade it in for a heart?".  
  
She was prepared to slap him, " and waste it on what? Kissing you?".  
  
He had began inching towards her when- " am I interrupting something?".  
  
The two looked over to see Ryan. " Atwood!" Seth shrieked, throwing his arms around his neck, nearly knocking them both to the ground, " I can't believe its you! You haven't changed a bit!".  
  
Ryan still remained stunned, not from seeing the, but from what had gone through his mind in the past five hours on the plane. " Nice to see you too Seth" he finally broke away, " hi Summer" she only smiled, to afraid to speak.  
  
" Summer's not going to be speaking, for awhile, to avoid saying something she will regret" and she nodded.  
  
Ryan mocked an eyebrow, " what's this about?".  
  
" Nothing, nothing" Seth began, guiding Summer away by her shoulders, " nothing at all. Why don't we get home? You're probably tired".  
  
" Not really".  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
The entire cab ride, Seth distracted conversations away from the ' M' word. It was when he started talking about Gabrielle, Seth knew he had hit rock bottom.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
When arriving at the apartment building, Summer took off dead ahead of the guys, running up to the fifth floor ahead of them.  
  
" Seth, can you please tell me where Marissa is?" Ryan asked upon being guided down the hallway.  
  
" I'm getting to that" he said, opening the door that Summer had already unlocked, " but first, you've got to see the new kind of plumbing I have".  
  
Just then, by chance, Seth glanced down the hallway, and saw Lillian standing outside Marissa's doorway, staring at them. Quickly, he body slammed Ryan into his own apartment and went after her.  
  
" Of all the times you break out" he went through the doorway and plopped Lillian down in front of Marissa, who was reading on the cough, " she can't reach the lock".  
  
" I don't lock the door, in case you want to come in".  
  
" I can knock!" he yelled, running out of the apartment and down the hallway.  
  
He entered his own apartment, slamming the door. Both Ryan and Summer were standing there, giving him cold stares. " Seriously, what's going on?" Ryan asked.  
  
Seth glanced around in own family room, " what? The chairs?" he referred himself to the colorful beanbag chairs that decorated the floor, " oh, those. My bed is the only furniture I have, and that's from the house. These are just until I get enough taste to get some real ones, and they keep my mom off my back" he nodded along with his explanation.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Hours went by, no one was sure how many to be exact, but enough to really notice. It was dark out, and all information that had been gained between dinner and then was that Ryan was going to see Marissa very soon. Seth had no idea what he meant by that, and Ryan probably knew it.  
  
" I'm going outside to get some air" he left Summer and Seth, wondering if they'd both be alive by the time he got back.  
  
Once stepping into the hallway, he noticed someone standing not too far from him. A little girl. 


	5. Both Their Suspicion

Authors Note- Sorry for the delays, but thank you for the reviews  
  
Chapter Five- Both Their Suspicions  
  
The two stood five feet apart in the hallway, staring at one another with the most indistinguishable looks.  
  
" You must be Lillian". At first sight, Ryan had no idea that the tiny girl who hardly reached his knee was his daughter, but in fact Marissa and her former love's child. Her identical eyes and the same features went by him, as other thoughts occupied his mind. But he bent down to her general size and kindly smiled, " my name is Ryan". She nodded.  
  
He couldn't tell, but she had mouthed the word ' picture' very faintly. " It must be past your bed time" another nod, " come on". He stood again and offered his hand, surprisingly, she accepted.  
  
Quietly, he pushed open the door to the dark apartment. After taking a few slow paces, Ryan found Marissa, sound asleep on the couch in her family room. The light on the end table was on, the only light there, her fingers placed in a book she had been reading before.  
  
Ryan had guessed Lillian's room by the wall paper, she crawled into her already disturbed bed and pulled the covers over herself, " good night Lillian, maybe I'll see you soon". Her eyes were closed before he left. He returned to the family room, watching Marissa sleep. Her deep breathing, the way her cheeks slightly twitched. His heart ached. Gently, after book marking her novel, he lifted her into his arms as he had done so many times before and carried her to her bedroom.  
  
She sighed when he placed her atop the mattress and adjusted herself, all without waking. It took him a few minutes to remember he eventually had to leave, and it took all his will power to do so.  
  
He returned to Seth's apartment to find him and Summer sitting on two of the beanbag chairs, snarling at one another.  
  
" That's one big gulp of fresh air" Seth commented.  
  
" Why didn't you tell me Marissa lived down the hall?".  
  
Both Seth and Summer's expressions dropped in shock and panic, " uh, would you happen to believe that I didn't know?".  
  
Ryan shook his head, " not for a second".  
  
" Okay, I-well- we knew, yes".  
  
Summer raised her arms in protest, " hey, I've been here for like two days, I'm not much further ahead of you Atwood, I've been living in California too. I only got a postcard saying Marissa had a baby".  
  
Seth closed his eyes, " either go back to California or go to my room".  
  
" Are you actually telling me to go to my room?".  
  
" No, I'm telling you to go to my room". Groaning and swearing under her breath, she got up and stormed into the hallway. " Do you want to sit down?".  
  
" No, I just want to know what's going on, please".  
  
Seth sighed, " okay, I ran into Marissa, literally, about six moths after I moved out here, and I moved here to-you know, help her. But that was awhile ago, Lily was barely one".  
  
Ryan swallowed hard, " who is Lillian's father?".  
  
" Luke is". That was a lie, Seth lied to his best friend, and defiantly knew it. The split second before answering, he did think about whether or not to say ' Luke is' or ' you are'. But if Marissa chose to tell Ryan, ever, that Lillian was his daughter, it was her choice and not his actions.  
  
But it seemed to be a huge relief on Ryan's part as he sat down on Summer's previous chair, which made Seth edgy. " I can't believe this, he just abandoned her like that".  
  
Seth bit away at his bottom lip, not wanting to lie again, " uh, you know what, I don't think she actually told him about Lilly".  
  
His eyes magically darkened, " she's been alone all this time?".  
  
" She's doing alright, and, well, I've been here, and" he slowly trailed off, " but then again, I'm not Lilly's father".  
  
" She's adorable, and shy".  
  
" Don't take that personally, she doesn't talk to anyone. She hasn't said a word since birth, but Marissa has a feeling that she does know how to talk, she just doesn't want to" there was a long drawl of silence, Seth could tell Ryan was deep in thought, it showed in his eyes. " Actually, well personally, I think she's just waiting...for something. I'm not sure what exactly, but, we'll find out". 


	6. The Business Card

Authors Note- Yay! Thank you for the great reviews!  
  
Chapter Six- The Business Card  
  
From the time she was ordered to leave to early the next morning, Summer was alone in his room. She heard the two talking late into the night, and ended up sleeping on his unmade bed. But when she woke up the next morning, there was complete silence.  
  
She crept through the hallway that led to the living room, trying not to break the silence. Ryan was nowhere to be seen, but she found Seth, sound asleep, curled up on one of the beanbags. Standing between the hallway and him, watching him sleep. Being Summer Roberts, she never expected to mindlessly stand there and simply watch someone, especially Seth Cohen, sleep. Just sleep.  
  
There was a blanket folded on top of the television. She grabbed it and gently dropped it over him. Still, he didn't stir, not even the slightest bit.  
  
" Hey" the whisper from behind made her jump.  
  
She turned around to see Ryan standing where she just was, " hey" she responded in the same tone, " how you doing?".  
  
He shrugged, " okay, I guess".  
  
" I'm sorry I didn't tell you about Marissa being here, Cohen told me not to and said he was going to take care of it".  
  
Ryan nodded, " its okay, it was just strange seeing her again".  
  
Summer arched an eyebrow and almost screamed, " saw her? When? Where".  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Marissa's eyes slowly cracked open to the surroundings of her bedroom. She knew that she did not fall asleep there, and how did she get to her? But not under the blankets. Immediately, thinking of her daughter, she got up and headed out of the room.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
" How did you get into Marissa's apartment?" Summer coarsely hissed.  
  
" The door was open and her daughter was in the hallway. What was I suppose to do? Leave her there?".  
  
Summer began dancing around in circles, groaning and pulling at her hair.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Lillian was sitting on front of Tuesday morning cartoons, and made no signs that she noticed her mother walk in.  
  
" You get to spend the day with Seth" Marissa said with a bright tone, " he doesn't have work today".  
  
Her blue eyes grew amazingly wide, she loved Seth but never expressed it as much as she seemed to be doing now. She slid off the couch and searched over the coffee table. Lillian found Marissa's book from the night before, the one she fell asleep reading. Opening the page Ryan had held, and retrieved what he had used as a bookmark and handed it to her mother.  
  
Marissa examined it, " Ryan's business card?" she gasped, quickly hiding it, " must be Seth's".  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
" Get out there" Summer was attempting to shove Ryan out the front doorway, " go say hi or something".  
  
He wasn't even trying to defend himself, " it's not that easy", but she still failed.  
  
She had the front door open and was now trying to pull him by the arm, " go, before Cohen wakes up".  
  
" Summer!" he hissed, her weak strength combined itself to give one final tug out into the hallway. Only a second later, she saw Marissa and Lillian departing from their apartment, the shock made her body slam him back inside. " What is with you two and doing that?".  
  
Seth came stumbling towards them, half asleep with weary eyes, " what's going on?" he asked through a yawn.  
  
" Quiet!" Summer snapped, leaning against the door. When there was a soft knock, she sprung forward, snatched Ryan, and practically dove into the closet with him.  
  
" Must have missed something" Seth muttered, opening the door.  
  
Ryan and Summer carefully listened from inside the dark closet. Seth's voice, then Marissa's asking where Summer was, and Seth responding with ' the shower' which made her silently moan. They both sighed when hearing the door close, and her voice was no longer there.  
  
" You guys should just stay in there" Seth said to the door, " get comfy, I'll leave sleeping bags by the door".  
  
Summer groaned, opening the door and stepping over random clatter to get out, Ryan following. Lillian stood below them, he big eyes fixed on Ryan, who was smiling at her.  
  
" Hi Lil, I'm summer" she brightly introduced herself in a rather fake pitch.  
  
Immediately, Lillian dashed towards Seth, clinging onto the back of his leg. " Smart move" he said to her.  
  
" I was never good with kids".  
  
Seth was detaching the little girl from him, " you're not good with humans period. Are you going to help me make breakfast?" his expression tinted with hint and easily read by Summer.  
  
Either way, she groaned, " fine, whatever" and followed him into the kitchen, leaving the remaining two alone.  
  
Once again, Ryan knelt to Lillian's level, " don't take it personally, but, I'm not too good with kids either. But, you probably only see me as a stranger".  
  
Lillian shook her head, taking a step forward and wrapped her tiny arms around his neck, resting her head on his shoulder. Though puzzled, and a bit touched, Ryan returned the gesture, placing his arms around her back.  
  
" Oh God, that has got to be the cutest thing ever!" Summer cooed from peeking through the kitchen door, Seth rolled his eyes, " what if she does know? I mean, even though she's only five".  
  
Seth cracked four eggs onto the frying pan, " she does, but we don't have to worry about her saying anything- at least I hope not".  
  
" So everybody knows that Ryan is Lilly's father, except for Ryan" he nodded in response, " it may just be me, but, that's totally not fair". 


	7. The Shelf of Pregnancy Tests

Authors Note- Once again beating the bedtime to stay up and do this, while typing quietly. Very quietly. Thank you, as always, for your generous comments.  
  
Chapter Seven- The Shelf of Pregnancy Tests  
  
" Summer, you don't know what's good for you, and I'm in a decent mood, so I'll tell you. Shut up and mind your own damn business!".  
  
She snarled at him, " you have to agree with me, he has the right to know that's his daughter".  
  
Seth stirred the eggs with his spatula, " I do, for a change. But going out there and saying ' hey Ryan, breakfast is ready, but the way, Lilly's your daughter' isn't the way to do it. He needs to hear it from Marissa, and only Marissa, and that is not you".  
  
" If Marissa doesn't know he's here, how are we suppose to encourage her to talk to him? And if she does find out that he's here, she'll flip, not to mention the fact that you purposely brought him here".  
  
He grinned like a little boy, " that's a risk I'm willing to take. But, I'm a teacher, I know what I'm doing. You're a model, you vomit what little you do eat".  
  
In rage, she snatched a slice of bread from the counter and ripped off a huge piece into her mouth, chewing it right in his face. She then stormed out into the family room where Ryan and Lillian were playing with a deck of cards on the carpet.  
  
" She's kicking my butt" Ryan said after Lillian slammed another card onto the pile.  
  
Summer knelt next to them, " she really likes you" she figured if he guessed off her hints, she couldn't be the one to blame if he were to discover right then and there. But he only glared at her.  
  
A loud scream erupted from the kitchen, " son of a.." followed by a crash. The three stared at the doorway when Seth emerged, clutching his right hand, " the handle is not suppose to be hot!" he yelled, " what kind of a world is this?".  
  
Summer jumped up and rushed over to him, " come on, get it under cold water".  
  
Lillian and Ryan watched as she dragged Seth back into the kitchen, and easily heard the conversation that followed.  
  
" How can you not have Vaseline?" Summer screamed, " everyone has Vaseline!".  
  
" Doesn't it make models teeth shine? I don't have a couch! What makes you think I have something like Vaseline?".  
  
" What about- oh forget it! Atwood!" she called, " pharmacy, two blocks down on the right, go!".  
  
Ryan stood up, " sit tight" he said to Lillian, and made a run for the door.  
  
From leaning over the sink, Seth noticed the little girl standing in the doorway, then looked up at Summer, " did you just tell him to go to the pharmacy?".  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
While venturing throughout the pharmacy aisles, Ryan was beyond being distracted. Forgetting the fact that Seth was probably suffering, he even forgot what he was looking for.  
  
Everything seemed to be reminding him of the Orange County, especially living with Marissa, and some stupid medication was sparking hold memories that he knew he could never forget. He must have walked past the Vaseline six or seven times before finally noticing. Then he went to the cashier in the back of the store, only because it was closer.  
  
The girl was not there for a moment, but when she did appear, tying her hair into a ponytail, he did not see her. Nor did she see him, they both concentrated downwards, trying to reverse their own trains of thought.  
  
He left without a single word, and she only told him the price of the ointment.  
  
But once he was outside, Ryan suddenly stopped. He backed up to the door, glancing back inside the pharmacy. The same girl who had just handed him forty-two cents in change was now standing in clear view, stacking boxes of pregnancy tests onto the shelf closet to the entrance.  
  
Was that Marissa? Since her back was to him, he couldn't be so sure, but he knew it was a definite possibility. Then again he'd know any part of her body anywhere.  
  
Quietly, he snuck back inside, and even with the small bell ringing overheard, she didn't turn to see him, even when she was inches away, like the previous night when he was holding her.  
  
Ryan stayed parallel to her on the opposite side of that shelf, taking steps identical to hers. He watched her through the tiny holes in the steel, how concentrated she was, and how beautiful she looked.  
  
An older woman had entered the store, and within seconds was standing next to him. To avoid giving off the stalker vibe, Ryan began walking at a normal rate.  
  
Once he was at the end of the aisle, he looked back at the woman with an absent mind, to see if she was still staring at him. But before he could get a clear glance, Ryan bumped into someone else. 


	8. The Many Effects of Vaseline

If Only  
  
Authors Note- Sad to say, this will be the last chapter for a bit- but only a couple of weeks. I think I left it off at an ' okay' place, but it depends I guess. Anyways, I have to get other work done so this story will be on a very temporary and very short hiatus. But remember with more time I can catch up on writing chapters for this story and the time between updates will be shorter.  
  
Chapter Eight- The Many Effects of Vaseline  
  
Ryan glanced over his shoulder to see a woman's face, one in which he had never seen before in this life.  
  
" Oh" he sounded rather disappointed, " I'm so sorry". He got on his knees with her, helping her to gather the boxes of Motrin that she had dropped.  
  
" It's alright" he had grabbed onto only a few boxes in her arms when a shadow was casted over them.  
  
He looked up, and there was Marissa standing over them. He quickly handed over the remainder of the Motrin boxes and stood up. The two stared at one another, as thought expecting the other to magically change form. The other woman walked away when seeing their weary glares.  
  
" Hi" he was the first to speak, but it took so long for a word so simple.  
  
Marissa's jaw slowly fell, but she managed to revive it, " uh, hi" she responded weakly, and felt her hands beginning to tremble, " w-what are you doing here?".  
  
He held up the plastic bag from minutes ago, " Vaseline, Seth burned his hand".  
  
Just like that, she could feel her complexion turning white and sweat seeped from the pores in her hands, " you're staying with Seth?" the question came out in pants, He nodded. If he was there, that meant he had to have seen Lillian- " oh, well you look great". That couldn't have sounded more desperate.  
  
But he didn't seem to notice, " thank, you too". Well that was a lie, at least to her it was.  
  
" Uh" she felt her eyes wandering, " I've got to, um" she realized there really was nowhere to go. Suddenly, her mind went into panic and her mouth followed, " look, about Lillian...".  
  
Ryan nodded, " I know, she's Luke's daughter" he paused, as she was ready for some heavy explanation, " Seth told me".  
  
Marissa felt her muscles begin to become loose, " oh, okay. I-I hope she's not bothering you, or anything" that was defiantly from a lack of words.  
  
He smirked, " no, she's really a great kid. She looks just like you" maybe he didn't know that one was a lie.  
  
" You should get back" she said after a pause, " before Seth's skin peels off".  
  
" Yeah, I guess you're right. Maybe we could get together before I have to go back to California?" he must have guessed that she obviously knew he was only visiting.  
  
She shrugged, " yeah, maybe, I have Seth's number, so.".  
  
" Okay, well, I'll see you around".  
  
" Bye" she said it rather softly and they turned away from one another, as thought it was really that simple.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Seth was laying on a beanbag chair when Ryan returned, and Lillian was sitting on his lap holding a damp washcloth against the injured hand. Summer was reading a magazine on the floor next to them and did not look up when he walked in.  
  
" You should defiantly not consider a career in the ambulance business my friend" Seth calmly said, " I could have bled to death.or something".  
  
" Well you didn't now did you" Summer muttered.  
  
Ryan dropped the plastic bag next to Seth and collapsed onto one of the other bean bags, " I ran into Marissa" Summer abandoned the magazine and both adults glared at him.  
  
" Holy." but a distinct look from Lillian stopped Seth in his words, " sorry, what happened?".  
  
He shrugged, " nothing".  
  
Summer regained her jaw, " you didn't talk to her?".  
  
" No, I did" they eagerly signaled from him to continue, " so we might get together before I leave, big deal".  
  
Seth blinked several times in a row, " s-so she knows you're staying here?" Ryan nodded, " ah fuck!" Lillian smacked his arm, " sorry, sorry".  
  
Summer gripped at Seth's chair, " then she must know you've seen Lilly".  
  
" What is she? Some sort of top secret government project that no one is suppose to know about?".  
  
Seth glanced at the girl, " close enough".  
  
" Wait a second!" Summers eyes beamed as she looked over at Seth, " if she agreed to meet up with him, then maybe she'll..".  
  
" Do you want to go to my room again?" Seth interrupted with a threat.  
  
She shot him a nasty glare, " I wasn't going to say it, keep your pants on".  
  
" Thank you".  
  
Ryan remained still, " you two are very strange, almost like a couple".  
  
" From the X-Files" Summer muttered under a chuckle.  
  
Seth momentarily forgot the current conversation, " speaking of girls, someone called your cell phone while you were gone, I think her name was- Amber..something".  
  
His expression disappeared, " Lexington?".  
  
He thought for a moment, " yeah, that was it. Who's she?".  
  
Three pairs of eyes were glued upon him when he answered with " my girlfriend". 


	9. Realization

Authors Note- I know I said it would be awhile, and it still may be those circumstances. Anyways, this chapter is really short, but trust me, you wont hate it for me, even though I hate this chapter with all my might.  
  
Chapter Nine- Realization  
  
Marissa sat behind the ' Employees Only' door, sitting atop a box filled with bubble wrap. Her head was between her legs and her breathing coarse in a tattered pattern.  
  
He was here. One million people on the island alone, and he had to be the one to walk in. She always thought another guy from her past life would be first, then again maybe Ryan isn't part of her past. Her mind was still spinning from merely seeing those crystal blue eyes..  
  
But her day dream was ripped apart. Ryan was with Seth at this very moment, so was her daughter. No, his daughter, their daughter. That had her in deep thought..  
  
Her head shot up. Ryan was calm, vary calm, despite the situation they were in. Seth couldn't have told him, he wouldn't- even if Cohen did have a disorder with letting private information slide.  
  
She then said aloud, " he thinks she's Luke's".  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
" How can you have a girlfriend?" Summer shrieked.  
  
They were all on their feet, either gripping at their hair or pacing in small circles, though Ryan wasn't too sure why.  
  
" It's not that difficult Roberts, well, I mean, he's not gay!" Seth snapped, " and if he is, you know, that's fine too".  
  
Summer nearly growled at Ryan, " who is this Amber girl?".  
  
Ryan felt like a guilty convict, and sadly, he had already known what that felt like, " she's a secretary at the firm I work at".  
  
" Ha, secretary" she snorted.  
  
Seth glared at her, " so, how serious are you two, like, has she re-decorated your apartment yet?".  
  
Ryan shrugged, " I just, I don't know, we've only gone out a few times, it's nothing like that. She just started calling me her boyfriend, but its not serious".  
  
" Ryan, you and I have a much different perspective on what ' serious' is".  
  
Just then, Seth noticed the one tiny subtraction from the room, the others did seconds later, " you know what, she's probably in my room" and he disappeared.  
  
Summer glanced at Ryan, " do you love her?".  
  
" Amber?".  
  
" No, Coop".  
  
Ryan nodded as Seth returned, " she almost talked" he said in aghast. The other two stared at him, " she was laying on the bed and looked at me, her mouth opened and I swear she almost spoke".  
  
" I take it that's a big deal?" Ryan asked with an arched eyebrow.  
  
" She hasn't said a word since birth. It's like she's afraid to talk, or" Seth glanced at Ryan before saying, " waiting for something".  
  
" Or someone" Summer added.  
  
In the thick silence, Ryan glimpsed between the two of them, " there's something you're not telling me, right?".  
  
Seth softly nodded, Summer looked away as his stomach slowly twisted itself into a knot-  
  
" Lily is your daughter". 


	10. Slip and Slide

If Only  
  
Authors Note- This chapter is short, and it's one of the few left  
  
Disclaimer- Not only do I not own The OC, I don't own anything on MTV (you'll see what I mean)  
  
Chapter Ten- Slip and Slide  
  
They all froze, as thought time had been stopped right after Seth spoke. He was the only one with a straight face- Summer was still turning pale, and Ryan looked two breaths from death.  
  
" Jackass" Summer breathed, snarling directly at Seth.  
  
Other then that, traffic in the street was the only thing any of them heard.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Marissa continued organizing prescription envelopes in the medication racks, all while practicing different ways to say ' hi Ryan'. There was a cold chill down her spine, she wasn't sure what that was, but the last time she had that sensation was when Lillian was born and she saw how identical her eyes were to his.  
  
Ryan was in the same room as his own daughter, his own flesh and blood, and ' most likely' did not know it- to him, she was Luke's daughter.  
  
Could she really let him go back to California still believing a lie?  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Ryan wasn't sure if he was still standing or had she sat down on the carpet. If he should remain calm, or open the window and scream. His mind, his vision was blurred, and his breathing was weak. Meanwhile, Summer and Seth were using silent sign language to figure out among them what they were suppose to do next.  
  
" If this is a joke, tell me now and I'll still laugh" he said through the hands covering his face.  
  
Seth sat down parallel from him, " I'm sorry, it wasn't my business to tell you, it slipped, really it did".  
  
" This is why you wanted me to come here?" he was still partially expecting camera men and Ashton Kutcher to come running out of nowhere.  
  
Summer shrugged, " only part of it, we wanted you to see Marissa too. We were hoping she'd be the one...to tell you" her expression on t he word ' she' had Seth extending his middle finger at her.  
  
Ryan looked up, " I have a daughter..that doesn't sound right".  
  
" It has to sink in"  
  
" You've known about this the entire time?".  
  
Seth inhaled a deep breath, " yes, but she didn't want you to know, I had to respect that, but, that's why you're here, encouragement for you and Marissa to figure things out".  
  
He leaned back, " yeah well, she didn't look encouraged to see me".  
  
" Cohen I'm going to kill you!" the voice echoed from the hallway, and a second later, Marissa burst through the door, stopping almost immediately, " oh shit" she gasped.  
  
Seth stood up next to Summer, " come on Roberts, lets go check on the kid".  
  
For once, she didn't object, and quickly followed Seth out of the living room. They ran down the hall to his room, gently closing the door.  
  
" We can't just abandon them" she waited until now to make a statement..  
  
He glanced at Lillian who was still sound asleep, " nothing's going to happen if we're out there, so we just have to hope it'll happen when we're in here".  
  
Summer made an aim fro his window, " I hope you have a fire escape because I'm starving".  
  
Seth dove to block her escape, " I've got candy bard under the bed, you can throw them up later".  
  
Her eyebrow crocked, " what, did you have this planned or something?".  
  
" No, but at four am cravings, the kitchen can be a very long walk".  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
After nearly five years, Marissa Cooper never thought she'd find herself in his arms once again.  
  
Another Authors Note- Three chapters left at the most, but I see a sequel in the future (hint, hint- Summer and Seth) 


	11. There Isn't a Title

If Only  
  
Authors Note- I hope everyone had a nice Christmas, and other holidays that I can't spell. I hope to get the last 2 chapters out before the New Year.  
  
Chapter Eleven- There Isn't a Title  
  
As thought a cord was wrapped around her neck, Marissa pulled back, staring directly into her eyes. Her nerves quivered, but she hardly blinked. Ryan didn't want her to run, he had to watch what he said, very carefully.  
  
" Why didn't you tell me?" his voice was weak, but she still heard it. It was all he could manage.  
  
She bit her lower lip, " I- I don't know. God, I'm sorry, you weren't suppose to find out this way" she paused, " you weren't suppose to find out at all".  
  
" Why?" he turned around and took a few steps, " how could you have kept something like this a secret?".  
  
" It seemed easy, with you in California, I thought maybe your life would go easier if you just- didn't know".  
  
Ryan faced the other direction, " well, life made a mot more sense a couple of days ago".  
  
" And it can go back to that, when you go home" that sounded worse then how she meant it.  
  
He lunged towards her, " easier said than done Marissa. I'm not going to do that. After spending, what, five years? I couldn't stop thinking about you. All the nightmares, and pretending that you weren't really gone, even if you were. Then Seth invites me out here, and I find out you're his neighbor, you of all people. And now I have a daughter, a little girl- with you, and I know nothing about her. I mussed her first steps, and all the other things that are so important" those words took so much out of him.  
  
" Her first word" Marissa said softly, " you didn't miss her first word, and I don't want you to" she was terrified that he may slip off the edge at any moment.  
  
He took a much needed deep breath, " I can't force her to talk, it's her own thing. She's very intelligent for.....how old is she?".  
  
Marissa's mouth corners tweaked, " four, her birthday is June sixteenth. And yes, she's very bright, she knows who you are, and I never said anything about it to her".  
  
Though stumbling, Ryan managed to sit on the edge of the coffee table, " I can't just leave her, or either of you. I don't care if you get mad, or try to kick me away, I won't leave. It would really confuse her".  
  
She kneeled on the carpet, " staying would do the same thing. Lilly doesn't understand anything that went on between us, it all happened before she was born".  
  
" She knows I'm her father, and I know she's my daughter. You can't expect me to loose that, or pretend that didn't happen".  
  
Marissa softly nodded, she was amazed he was still being so calm, " I know. You should spend a day or two with her, get to know each other. But then go back, go back to California. Let me adjust her to what will be going on, then we can figure out something. Please, promise me you'll do that".  
  
There was no choice, no debate about it. It was either her way, or never see the two girls he loved ever again. He nodded, " I promise".  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Summer's eyes cracked open, and then her mind realized that she had fallen asleep. Astronomy bed sheets, so she was still in Seth's room. She attempted to sit up, but something was holding her in place, looking down, it was his arm. Her neck craned over her shoulder, to see him sound asleep, pressed against her back.  
  
Though she could not remember actually falling asleep, that could not have been a voluntarily action. He looked so innocent and peaceful while in slumber, then again, he was innocent. At least for as long as she could remember.  
  
Summer shifted onto her back, extending her arm so her fingers could trace along his jaw. Seth's nose twitched, though he did not wake.  
  
" What is it about you Seth Cohen?" she whispered.  
  
Lillian shot up from the bed on the other side of Seth, her eyes widened on Summer. The movement woke Seth, his eyes opened as he stretched, and then saw where his arm was.  
  
" Sorry" he whipped it away, " thought you were Lilly".  
  
She inched away, muttering " it's okay". When he was facing Lillian, she stepped towards the door, pressing her ear against it.  
  
Seth glanced at her, " what are you doing?".  
  
" What do you think I'm doing?". He silently objected, though continued watching her for another minute or two. Her eyes suddenly bolted wider, and she sprung towards him, " someone's coming".  
  
As a last minute distraction, just as Marissa opened the bedroom door, Summer forced her lips onto Seth's. 


	12. Still No Title

Authors Note- Second to last chapter, thank you for the reviews. I didn't get the chapters out before 2004, but Happy Belated New Year  
  
Chapter Twelve- Still Not Title  
  
Ryan place his suitcase next to the front door. He stopped for a moment, replaying the last two days. Only two days, but at least he was completely alone with Lillian. Though that was after he and Marissa spoke to her about who Ryan really was.  
  
She didn't react, not in the least. It was more of them proving her right, because she had known all along. But she adored her time alone with him, almost as much as he did. Lillian did respond to their time together, but not verbally. Despite Marissa, Ryan, Summer, and Seth's hopes, she still had not said one word.  
  
And now he was leaving, as it was promised. Back to California, his old life, until Marissa made sense of the situation. And he prayed it would be sooner than later, as he couldn't see any normal in his life until he was to see them again.  
  
" Take care Ry, Chino's always welcomed here" Seth's own version of saying good-bye, then immediately hugged him.  
  
Ryan glared at both Seth and Summer, " I know it sounds weird, but, thank you, for everything".  
  
" Anytime you need a squealer, you know who to call" Summer said, " maybe we can hang out or something when I get back to California" she glanced at Seth, " whenever that may be".  
  
" Sure" he softly said. He was halfway to Marissa's apartment when Seth closed the door. She opened her own before he could knock, " I-I just came to say good-bye, really fast".  
  
Marissa extended her arm, " bye".  
  
Though stunned, he shook it, " bye". Lillian appeared at her side, gazing up at him. He smiled and knelt down, " I'll see you soon, okay?" she didn't respond as he had hoped in one last attempt, in fact, she looked down right mad at him. He couldn't blame her.  
  
Ryan stood up, getting one last look at them, " I love you both" he said and headed towards the elevator.  
  
Marissa remained in the doorway, watching him, " I'll call you". She wasn't sure if he had heard that, but it no longer felt like he was walking away forever.  
  
Lillian stepped into the hall as the elevator doors opened and he stepped inside. They then closed.  
  
" Daddy!" she screamed.  
  
It wasn't too loud, but Marissa still jumped. Like magic, Ryan was back in the hall, jaw dropped.  
  
" Daddy, please don't go" and she began running towards him.  
  
A gaping Marissa noticed Seth and Summer had emerged from the other apartment before turning back to watch her daughter. Ryan had dropped to her knees just in time to catch her. She held on tightly, her tears overflowing onto his shoulder.  
  
" Please say you wont go!".  
  
" You're speaking" he mumbled, increasing his hold on her, almost in tears himself, " your voice is so beautiful".  
  
But Lillian didn't care how anyone found her slurring tone, " I don't want you to go" she pulled back to face him, " I'll be really good, I promise, I'll talk!".  
  
Trying to hold back the tears himself, Ryan pushed a few hair strands out of her face, " it's not you Lilly, it was never you. I have no choice, I have to go. But I'm not leaving for good".  
  
Aggravated, she madly wiggled out of his grip, " no!" she turned to Marissa, " why are you making him go?" she yelled, Marissa's hands covered her mouth, she couldn't speak. " I hate you! I hate you!".  
  
Ryan tried to grab her arm, " Lilly...".  
  
But she whipped away, " no! I hate you too!" Lillian bolted down the hallway, her parents behind her, though they weren't sure about Seth and Summer.  
  
" Ryan catch her!" Marissa called.  
  
He ran down the staircase, where she already had a two flight lead. Amazingly, Lillian managed to stay ahead of them, even when reaching the lobby.  
  
Seth had come running from the elevators, and still had no luck. Lillian threw herself against the main door, and ran outside. Ryan's heart nearly stopped as she headed into the street. " Lillian, no!".  
  
He tried to go after her, but something had stopped him, pulling him back, leaving him on the sidewalk. It was Marissa, dashing ahead of him after the little girl. The cars whizzed by in all directions, without a care. Providentially, the girl was still safe, the little one at least. Ryan stood, frozen on the sidewalk, and watched the deranged taxi cab lunge into Marissa. 


	13. Ending on Lucky Thirteen

If Only  
  
Authors Note- Okay, here it is, the last chapter! Sorry it took so long, but January seemed to be where a big load of things came in order. There might be a sequel, I'm still debating on it, we'll see on the feedback, hehe. In the mean time, enjoy this chapter and thank you again for all the reviews, it really meant a lot.  
  
Chapter Thirteen- Ending on Lucky Thirteen  
  
It was basic reflects to jump over the hood of a stopped car and only concentrate on being where she was. Laying on the pavement, looking rather calm, yet confused. If it wasn't for the blood secreting from all over her body, no one would have been able to tell what had happened. A crowd had formed around her, but only Ryan knelt next to her.  
  
" Ryan.".  
  
But he immediately snapped, " no, don't move, don't speak. Someone called nine one one, you'll be find".  
  
She softly shook her head, or at least that's how it looked, " not" was all that she said.  
  
But he wasn't ready to agree, he didn't want to, " yes it will be, I don't have to go back to California, I can stay here, I will. And we can figure this out- together".  
  
Marissa's crystal blue eyes had turned to a paler shade of blue, and reflected daylight as they became coated with tears, " take Lilly with you" she paused to breathe, " my mom's name is on the will, but you have to fight for her. I want her to be with you".  
  
Sirens erupted into the air, changing his minds train of thought, " listen, the paramedics are coming, see, you're going to be okay".  
  
He already knew she wasn't going to make it, the problem was admitting it. People always knew the moments before their death, she already knew it, he just didn't want to say it. At that moment, as they were staring in each others eyes, waiting, he thought it was his fault. Had he not planned to leave, Lillian wouldn't have felt threatened, and they wouldn't have had any reason to run outside. But that's not what happened.  
  
Marissa's hand was ice cold when it clasped around his wrist, pulling his face closer to hers. " Promise me you wont let my mom get anywhere near Lilly, at least now she'll know who her father is" a stray tear rolled down her cheek, " please, just promise".  
  
Ryan nodded, without realizing that what he was doing so, " I promise".  
  
She smiled, and he could see flashing lights in the very corner of his eye, " I've had nine lives throughout life, and I think this was the last one. It's said in all the movies, and I'm saying it now, I love you".  
  
He bent down and gently kissed her cheek, " I love you too".  
  
Ryan kept his chin on her shoulder, even when he heard the roaring engine of the ambulance a mere seven feet away. He finally sat up, knowing he couldn't stay there forever. Her eyes were now closed, he placed a hand on her chest felt that it was no longer rising.  
  
It was impossible to hold back the tears that were streaming down her face. Without looking back at her body, he took a deep breath and gazed back to the sidewalk. Lillian stood like a statue on the sidewalk, holding on to a crying Seth's leg, staring right back at him with her now pale eyes.  
  
Despite what was now gone, Ryan had to remember what was still there. His daughter, and with her mother dead, he was the only one left for her.  
  
The only one.  
  
The End 


End file.
